Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
