Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize