Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
