Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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