Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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