I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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