Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
