It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize