what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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