If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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