It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I smell stomach acid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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