Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
