I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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