operation have a gay friend backfired
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
