I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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