Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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