We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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