I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
