After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
