You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
