Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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