Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
