I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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