You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
