Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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