Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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