Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
