just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
