my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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