just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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