We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
3 2 1 whiskey
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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