i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
