U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
