Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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