Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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