i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
