I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
