I wish my penis had an off switch
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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