I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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