there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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