we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
