Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
