I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you will always have a special place in my vag
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
