plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize