Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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