The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
