Yo dont text me then not text me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
