pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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