I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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