Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
