It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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