I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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