there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
