lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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