I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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