I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize