did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
