Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
