Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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