I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
