I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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