I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
