I want to make a zoo with you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
me + whiskey = a bad person
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
