i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
