WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
